**Terminology for Navigating Traffic**
**By Gabriela Olivares**
Navigating traffic can sometimes feel like a crash course in both patience and creativity, as drivers find themselves adapting to unique road scenarios. Here are some witty observations on dealing with traffic and the quirks of life behind the wheel:
**HEADLIGHTS**: High beams serve a dual purpose — enlightening dimly lit roads and blinding oncoming drivers.
**TRAFFIC JAM**: In tiny towns, even a donkey and a couple of bicycles can cause a traffic jam.
**GODDESS**: Behind the wheel, my wife believes herself a goddess; she drives, and others pray.
**TAGGED**: Smile! Your city’s traffic cop just tagged you in a photo!
**PHYSICS**: Two bodies cannot occupy the same space at the same time, except perhaps during the morning rush out of Santa Fe!
**INVENTIONS**: Cars and airplanes have transformed the way we live — and sometimes how we die.
**BAD MANNERS**: On a shiny new bus, I observe no one offers their seat to a frail elderly lady. If it weren’t for my tweeting, I’d admonish these ill-mannered passengers!
**Author: A unlicensed driver**
**Short Takes**
— You’ve committed a mathematical crime.
— I admit it.
— You’re under arrest.
—
— Dad, look at the sky! It’s full of “Favorite” buttons!
— Those are stars, son. They’re called stars.
—
A penguin walks into a bar and asks the waiter,
— Have you seen my brother by any chance?
— I don’t know, what does he look like?
—
— Which is the oldest animal?
— The cow.
— Why?
— Because it’s in black and white.
—
My wife said she couldn’t take it anymore and needed more space.
— What did you do?
— Bought her a 2TB hard drive.
—
In a town, a man suffers a heart attack. As the ambulance arrives, the medic instructs:
— Quick, put the mask on him!
To which the man replies:
— Please, not the expensive one!
—
— Darling, I think we could have another child.
— Agreed, I’m not fond of the one we have now either.
**Author: Someone short on time**
**A Memorable Golf Match**
On a sunny day, Moses, Jesus, and an elderly man play golf. Moses hits the ball, and it sinks directly into the water. The crowd gasps, but Moses calmly parts the waters, hits the ball again — and lands it in the hole. The crowd cheers in amazement.
Jesus takes his turn, hits the ball which similarly hovers over water. He walks on the water and strikes it straight into the hole.
Finally, the old man’s turn — his shot heads for the water, but a fish jumps out, swallows the ball; before diving back, a seagull catches the fish. Struck by lightning, the bird falls, causing the ball to drop right into the hole.
Jesus remarks:
— Dad, if you start with your stories, I’m not playing anymore.
**Author: A devout storyteller**
**Village Bar Antics**
Two drunks in the village square consider opening a bar. One proposes,
— What if it fails?
— Then we open to the public.
**Author: A hopeful drunk**
**Driver of the Day Award**
A man is pulled over by the police while driving:
— Good day, sir! We’ve been monitoring you since the last town. You’re a model driver, and we’re awarding you the best driver prize.
— But I don’t even have a driver’s license…
His wife says,
— Don’t mind him, he’s drunk.
The mother-in-law chimes in,
— I knew that with a stolen car, we wouldn’t get far.
**Author: A mechanic**
—
A man drives at 100 mph, the police stop him:
— Your name?
Laughing, he responds,
— Ha ha, I’m Río.
The officer warns,
— Don’t laugh or I’ll arrest you without a name.
He replies,
— Ha ha, I’m Río.
Upon arrest, the license reads “Jaime Río,” who struggles with stutters.
**Author: A stuttering comedian**
—
Three drunks stagger into a late-night bar. Two carry the third, who collapses on the floor. One starts vomiting, and the third orders:
— Three whiskeys for me and my mate.
— What about the one on the floor?
— He doesn’t drink; he’s our designated driver.
**Author: A happy drunk**
—
**In the News**
**1. Massive Sinkhole Repaired After Eight Months**
After more than eight months, the largest sinkhole in the Del Río neighborhood has finally been addressed. Residents expressed relief, highlighting the dangers and inconveniences it posed.
**2. Ongoing Struggles at IMSS**
There continue to be tensions at the Mexican Institute of Social Security as workers fight for improved conditions and resources. This comes amidst reports of overwork and insufficient facilities.
**3. Maquiladoras Under Scrutiny**
Recent investigations have unveiled harsh conditions within maquiladoras, with numerous accounts of exploitation and inadequate safety measures leading to fatalities.
**4. Violence in Sinaloa Tied to Arrest**
Authorities suggest the recent surge in violence in Sinaloa is linked to high-profile captures within organized crime, stirring unrest among factions.
Stay tuned for more updates on these stories and other top news in the region.